Free Spirit

This week’s assignment is entitled, "about blogging."  I just want to reflect on this semester.  This semester has been my hardest, most time demanding semester I have ever had.  I get my first college degree in one week!!  I almost have more than a high school diploma!!  However, I am just about done and it feels so good. 

In October, I ended a three year abusive relationship.  It was the hardest three years of my life, but it was ever more hard to say goodbye for the final time.  Creative Writing class was an outlet for me to write about it.  I am in the beginning stages of the healing process, and I still think about him every single day and wonder if I just weight three lbs less if maybe I would have been good enough.  This kind of thinking clearly tells me I am nowhere close to being ready to date again.  I would like to thank my teacher for giving me the outlet and the opportunity to write about it, writing always makes me feel better.  As much as i couldn’t stand peer review, it was a way to let out some of this built up emotion.  I have also never blogged before, so it was an experience!

I leave in 31 days!!  I’ve been planning my trip for Louisiana for months, and I’m finally in the one month countdown!!  My bestie, Tiffany, and I are leaving May 31st, estimated time of departure 7 am (so probably around 9ish) we are driving until Kansas City, where we will be staying overnight…. I have worked at a hotel for almost three years, so I get a very nice discount, which I’m very excited about.  Finally, my weekends of no social life is paying off, hehe.  Tiffie wants to go out on the town that night, I laugh at this.  By the time we actually leave Forks, and after all of our stops, by the time we actually get to Kansas City we are going to be exhausted.  She obviously thinks otherwise, we will see who is right.  Also, we plan on leaving Kansas City at 7 am (so probably 9ish again) on the first. 

Day 2, June 1st, we havea bout 13 more hours to drive until we hit Louisiana!  We have to make very good time because we have to get to her apartment and get the keys!  Once we get to her new apartment in Lafayette, LA I am staying 13 days.  I will be gone a total of two weeks, I will be very broke! Eep!

We plan on going to the water park in Baton Rouge, we also want to go to New Orleans, but it depends on how much money I have. I would like to use my credit card as little as possible.

I will also be there for my 22nd birthday (but don’t tell anyone, because Tiff said she was going to get my "happy 21st" gear hehe) I also plan on trying Sushi for the first time, if I don’t chicken out.  I am sooooo excited!!!

I am also sad, because as excited as i am, Tiffany is my best friend and after I leave it means she is gone.  She starts school on the 7th, and I hang out with her 4-7 times per week, hald of the things I own are at her current apartment, so I don’t know what I am going to do with myself.

Week 12, "Sense" is the assignment we have to blog about this week.  I’m not quite sure what our professor wants from us and I’m quite exhausted from all the end of the semester so I will go through all five senses right now…

But first some background info….I’ve worked the past 4 days on very little sleep.  I’ve done hours and hours and hours of homework the past few days and I’m starving…. I had to wake up really early this morning to finish my homework… then went to class… and now I’ve been at work for seven hours (without a break) with one hour left …. And it’s a Monday

Sight: I’m at work, I see a beautiful fireplace and a couch, that I want to steal everytime I hear, I see a computer screen I’ve been staring at for 420 minutes.  I see many lamps, and a glass countertop…which reminds me I should probably clean it.

Sounds:  I’m listening to my music, which is covering up hotel music.  So my music is probably louder than it should be… Right now it’s Justin Bieber…. i was listening to country, but had to put on Justin to let everyone know I’m his number one fan

Smell: Actually nothing too strong, the smell of coffee and glass cleaner, all of my guests can always smell the pool, but I havent been able to since like day three here, almost three years ago.

Taste: Well I’m not eating anything right now, but I have had like 10 cups of coffee today. I just took a sip now.

Touch: small buttons of my keyboard

p.s. I’m so overwhelmed with school right now, I’m not even sure if I’m on the right week, if I’m on the wrong week and someone notices, it would be greatly appreciated if you let me know.    Thanks!

My Grandma is one of the most important people in my life, she can always make me smile. She is an amazing, inspirational woman and role model, We go out to lunch quite often when she is here (she spends nine months living in Texas each year) … one day I skipped (I rarely ever do this, but grandma time is justified) class to go to Ground Round (my favvs restaurant in Grand Forks)….

"Angel pudding pie what is wrong?"  -Grandma asks me

"awww I’m just stressing school, I’ll get through it like I do every semester."

"Pudding, school is important, of course, but so is being young.  You are only going to be this young and this hot once, go be a twenty one year old. stop limiting yourself to going out one night per month.  Once your my age your favorite bar becomes your house.  So don’t stress it so much, and stressing will cause you to age, which I know is in yout top three fears."

"Oh Grandma, I love you to pieces."

"Angel, just remember C’s do get degrees"

"What would I do without a cute Grandma like you?"

"Pudding Pie, one last question, so Michael Jackson just died, you know his song ‘Thriller’, well is there like a dance to that song?"

"umm yes Grandma, and it was kind of a big deal."

….this remembered conversation proves to me that family is so important, I will always remember this conversation.  Love you Grandma!!  See you in June!! P.s. you always call me angel pudding pie in some shape!

Okay my last blog was tardy, so I decided to get this week’s blog done while I was thinking about it.  I really don’t get it this week, our assignment asks us to create a story sketch.  I have no idea what this means, I tried to look it up online and it just showed me a bunch of pictures, and I don’t think we are supposed to draw a photo in our blog.  So I’m going to use my imagination, since it tells us to, and since this is Creative Writing.

While flipping through the classifieds (the whopping page and 1/2, remember when it used to be like 4 pages)  I came upon a quote that said "Given a chance, they are opposite but the same"

Characters: Mom and Daughter who never see eye to eye, one hour together and screaming and hurtful words are exchanged

Setting: Daughter’s aunt house

Plot: Daughter is stuck in an abusive relationship and knows she is better but doesn’t know how to leave him, or the strength.  Her mother finds out after years of it being a secret.  There is pounding on the daughter’s aunts house, and eventually the door opens.  Its her mother, and its the middle of the work day.  Mother demands daughter’s car and cuts her off financially, and for the first time in 21 years the daughter sees her mother cry and this is the first time ever, her mother has told her that she "loves" her without actually saying it, and this is when the daughter realizes she has to leave him, and she could not handle the pain of her own daughter having such low self esteem that it is an acceptable relationship.  This is also when the daughter realizes that she loves her mother.

-p.s. this may be a true story. love you mom!

I am very shy and very introverted, and it takes me a long time to open up.  This has led me to not make friends very quickly.  My best friend in the whole wide world, Casey Lynn, moved away last winter to Wisconsin.  I visit her when I can, but it gets expensive. I turned very depressed when she moved because we spent every waking moment together.  One of my acquantences, Tiffany (I call her Tiffie) and I became very close, and then she took over my North Dakota bestie.  Tiffany has done so much for me and is truly a good friend and a good person.  I remember last winter, on Christmas, I was stuck at work.  I didn’t have my car and the roads were not driveable.  I work at a hotel, so they gave me a comped room to sleep in for the night.  Tiffany would not let me spend Christmas alone, so she got in her small car and drove the two miles to come get me.  We got stuck, and it was a very long ride home, but she went out there in no driving conditions, and I had the best Christmas with her!

Anyways, she just informed me she is moving June 1st to Louisiana.  Are you joking?  two best friends in less then two years, not excited.  I honestly don’t know what i will do without her.  I have decided I am going to road trip down with her and stay with her in Louisiana for a few days and fly back by myself.  I haven’t really been out of the midwest and I LOOOOVE road trips, so I am so beyond excited (especially because we get to drive through a sliver of Texas, the one state I have been dying to see).  But at the same time, it is bittersweet because then she will be gone.

P.S. I realize this is a day late, so I am hoping my super cool professor will still give me some credit.

our assignment this week was entitled "itchy feet."  I am still unsure what this means, I’m almost positive it doesn’t mean athletes foot.  I’m so funny.  in the dicitionary it says "impulse to travel."

I absolutely love to travel; however, I don’t have the finances to do it often.  I am a very poor college student, I do not live off of credit cards, and In three years I have only took out one small student loan.  Basically, I live off of only what I make.  This is my strength, I strive on being independent, I pay all of my own bills, I never (well very rarely) ask my family for money.

I am honestly one of the only people I know that has never been to Mexico.  That is what I am itching to do, I don’t want to save a little bit of money and go on a mini vacay, I’d rather save for a few years and go to Mexico.  I looked into it for Spring Break, but it’s way too expensive for this girl.

fun blog assignment this week… 100 things i adore/ and 100 things I could live without, here goes…..

Things I adore:

1. Hockey  2. Getting my hair done  3. Getting my nails done  4. working out  5. treadmill  6. running outside  7. bud light  8. the Midwest  9. Midwest boys  10. Baileys  11. Coffee  12. being independent 13. Getting voted "most girlie" in high school  14. Getting voted "best shoes" in high school  15. pep rallies  16. God  17. my brother, Gabe Patrick  18. Ice Cream  19. apples  20.  red grapes  21. green grapes  22. text messaging  23. hot showers  24. showering in the pitch dark  25. naps  26. my mom  27. the fact that mom has good genes  28. all of my grandma’s nicknames for me  29.  when my grandma told me "your only young once, don’t stress school so much, remember C’s get degrees" 30 when my grandma asked me if there was a dance to the song "Thriller"  31. my grandma playing with my hair  32.  lunch dates with my grandma  33. my grandpa attempted to teach me how to gold but begged me to please just drive the cart because I was that good  34. salmon  35.  wine  36. botox (hopefully I have another 4 years before I have to recieve any)  37. My dog Sammir  38.  My dog Fred  39.  my baby Toby  40. flip flops  41.  summer  42.  swimming  43.  pretzels  44. peanut butter  44. jet skiis  45. speed boats  46. faith  47. bonfires 48. sunsets  49. ranch  50. country music  51. my bestest friend C Davis  52. REALITY TV!!  53. James Lafferty  54. Derek Jeter  55.  Yankees baseball  56. One Tree Hill  57.  Tool Academy  58.  Being single  59. bunnies  60. kittens 61.  Cummings, ND  62. Pizza Shop Mayville, ND  63. Prom committee  64. FBLA  65. high school state hockey  66. GRAND FORKS CENTRAL!  67. Mondays (weird)  68.  Secret Life of the American Teenager  69. Greek (the show)  70.  Intervention  71. 4th of July!!  72. Red Lake Falls  73. hockey players…yum, yum, yum  74. Justin Bieber  75. the "V" on boys stomaches!  76.  being able to fit into kids jeans  77. running  78.  tanning  79. laying on the lake all day  80. forgetting to eat  81. egg whites  82. Abercrombie   83. shopping  84.  getting my nails done  85. cookie dough  86. when my brother calls me "sissy"  87. Mexican Villiage  88. The Tool Academy  89. DVR  90. Netflix  91. SHOPPING!  92. Chace Crawford  93. Gossip Girl  94. that I’m a huge geek and I own it  95. Wisconsin  96. driving around  97.  Coffee AND Baileys  98.  Venting  99. laughing  100. Good Grades

Things I dislike:

1. alarm clocks  2. 8 AM classes  3. Studying  4. Credit Card Debt  5.  Credit Card bills  6. Wine hangovers  7. Gopher hockey  8. Gopher fans  9. being in a hospital  10. knowing my brother does not have a father  11. drugs  12. snakes  13. how overweight I am  14. that I will never get my high school metabolism back  14.  spiders  15. cold showers  16. showering in the light  17. Rum  18.  addicts  19.  parents who go out more than I do  20. 7 AM work shifts  21.  when my mom is sad  22. when I’m sad  23. that I am super old  24.  I am almost 22 years of age  25.  Wrinkles  26. Gray hair  27.  the fact that I already get gray hair  28. fried food  29. winter  30. everything about winter  31.  weather below 30 degrees  32. having to start my car for 45 minutes just to drive 3 minutes to work  33. living on the outskirts of town, the city NEVER plows in  34.  getting snowed in my house…more then once this winter   35.  getting snowed OUT of my house…. more then once this winter  36. fake people  37.  ungrateful people  38.  spoiled people  39.  chemistry class  40.  number  41.  math class  42.  speech class  43.  flooding  44. losing the only place I called home due to a flood in 1997  45. working basically for minimum wage  46. socks  47. having my feet confined  48.  bugs  49. cleaning  50. car accidents  51. DUIs  52.  Getting in trouble  53. when it gets dark by like  5pm  54. getting degraded at work daily 55. smoking  56. my uncle’s new gf 57. techno music  58. hard rock music  59. classical music  60. talking on the phone  61. having my competence questioned  62. being treated like a child  63. that i’ve never really had a home before (i have moved more times than i can keep up with)  64. failure  65. death of a close friend  66. death of family  67. child obesity  68. bulemia  69. starving myself  70. the pressure summer brings and my weight  71. that im fat  72. everyone bad mouths my mom to me  73. being scared of my mom  74. living almost 22 years just to please my mom  75.  questioning my morals/career goals because my mom said I couldn’t follow my dreams  76. tension with my father  77. Meth  78.  the Justice System  79. politics  80.  the fact that my ex step father should have been in jail 10+ years ago  81. drinking and driving  82. turtlenecks  83. carrots  84. eating the same thing every day  85. dry contacts  86. the debate over the Sioux name  87. that same-sex unions aren’t legalized yet, get over it  88. That the Colts didn’t win the superbowl this year  89. fighting with Tiffie  90. being lonely  91. girls who can’t live without a boyfriend  92. abusive spouses  93. big dogs  94.  dirty diapers  95. marriage  96.  getting wrote up for something everyone at my work has done  97.  working almost full time and still barely getting by  98. bills  99. needy Canadians  100. talking on the phone

I have recently become very religious, which is akward because no one in my family really is, but letting my Savior in has led me to realizing what is important to me.  On September 21, 2006, was the best day of my entire life.  The day my brother, Gabe Patrick, entered the world.  Before he was born, I was very selfish and making very poor choices, and his birth brought my family so close and the past few years have been so rocky and he just makes everything ok.

I was making negative choices and thus far, I had not been a good daughter, niece, etc… and when he was born I made the decision that I have someone that doesn’t know me, and therefore, cannot judge me and I knew I had to be a good, stable, positive role model in his life.  He actually made me go to college, before that I was working full time minimum wage job and didn’t have any aspirations.  That little boy has stolen my heart.

A few of my favorite quotes:

"Gabe I love you" -me

"my mom loves me too" -Gabe

"you don’t love your sissy?"

"SIssy Ivy I love all of my best friends!!!!"

Just the other night, I visited my mom and helped tuck him into bed and after he said the Lord’s prayer (he knows it word for word, and he is 3, super proud sissy)

"okay buddy close your eyes"

"Sissy Ivy, I can’t close my eyes because how will I be able to see while I’m asleep"

We went the year it opened…Millenium Force…besides family and my faith…I love roller coasters.  I feel like a child admitting this, but I love when you heart is pumping and being so nervous yet so excted at the same time, and the first drop…the largest drop, the anticipation.  Before the birth of my brother (the best day of my life) my mother, my aunt, a friend of mine, and I would road trip and go on roller coaster trips.  Our first trip was to Chicago, and we went to Six Flags… there I was introduced to Raging Bull and my love for roller coasters.  On our second trip after Chicago, we went further to Sandusky, Ohio (besides my grandparents house this was my favorite place I’ve ever been to) to an amusement park, "Cedar Point."  It was rated number one amusement park in the United States.  The year Milleninum Force opened, it was the tallest and fastest roller coaster in the whole world!!!!  It was a long wait, we had to wait one hour just to get tickets to tell us a time that we could get in line to go on the coaster. 

After we got our time ticket, the line took three hours in order to get on the ride.  It was perfect..my aunt Kim, my mother, and my best friend Rachel.  It was the most amazing feeling.  We spent three days at Cedar Point, and one day was dedicated only to this ride, and we were there the minute the park opened to the minute the park closed.  One time Rachel and I spent an additional hour for the front row (that time took us five hours to get on the ride) But it was amazing, my mother and my aunt planned these trips every summer for five years..anywhere from one to two weeks.  We always stopped at Medieval Times in Chicago.  They would let us watch our movies and play nintendo (yes nintendo was big at one time, before Wii) it was just fun and this was the only time we all got along and wouldn’t allow fighting.  The last year we went I was a Freshman in high school and I miss it a lot, but now I feel I am too old to go on "roller coaster trips."